A book and its cover

Lets talk books. Lets talk book covers. I never actually noticed quite how prejudiced I was until the other day, when I had 5 mins to choose some books via the internet. I had to choose a book merely based on the cover, as I only had one functioning contact lens.. Having thought seriously about what I look for in a book cover, I can firmly state that the following “guidelines” will all result in me not even taking a second glance at the book:

- Any large splashes of pink colour.

- Any book that the title proclaims it will instantly change your life – “Chicken Soup for the Soul”, “Let me make you thin” [are you kidding me have you seen my ample prosterior?!]

- Anything with insanely happy people flashing their teeth.

- Most child rearing books

- Any books which proudly advertise that they are on “regionally hillybilly times bestseller” lists,

- Autobiographies of anyone aged anyone less than 30.

- Any likening of this book to another book, film or play by some obscure person. E.g. “this is the War and Peace of the 90’s”

I have also invented a new game. Its called “Barbara’s alternate ending”. If lets say, I am bored of the book, then the following game ensues.

I write a list of three alternative endings, I allow one mediocre and mellow ending, in keeping with the story. On the other two, my imagination runs wild and free. Had I followed the above rules on “Friday Night Knitting Club” [it had too much pink], then there would have been no need to dream up alternative endings. It’s a bit like the games you used to sneakily play during classes at school. One person draws a head, passes it on, next person draws a body, so on and so forth, until the last participant, who has drawn the legs ceremoniously unfolds the Tim Burtonesque creation.

I am reading 3 books at the moment. American Gods – don’t think that I will need to play the alternative ending game with that one. Life – a user’a manual [not some self help book but a wonderful piece of fiction from the late 70’s I think.], Foucaults Pendulum – only three pages in.

Remembering characters names is proving to be difficult at the moment, so, I rechristen them. I wonder what the author would think to Smurfs and Bluetooth’s in Life a user’s manual?