Mcaffe Security

Apparently, my internet and visus checking thingy expired last week. Learned something new. If you click, "check for downloads" even though the date has expired on the product, I am still covered. IT all works fine. Surely an error? Answers on a postcard please.

Worth the license fee alone

Did you catch the latest episode of Dr Who? OMG was it fantabulous. Out of this world. More please. If I was a child watching that episode, I would never leave the back of the sofa.

Watermelon, Mint and Feta Cheese Salad

Made it for Beata, Erika and I last week, was deeeelicious. Beata laid on a fantastic indian feast and we all had a good laugh.

Bulmers pear cider not so good though. Shame.

Too many documents

I have managed to get myself into a document / website frenzy. Each day I must try and do the following; update the kids private diary, update blog, download photos from camera. must look at the following webpages as a bare min: bbc health pages, the guardian, life and style.com to see what the celebs are supposedly upto, then there is the mooch around asos.com, facebook once a day is compulsory.

In short, I dont have enough time. I fear that the blog is a trifle behind. Have not downloaded pics off the camera for ages. I have not logged onto facebook since thurs.

I suspect by the time I do actually feel as though I have caught up, I will inevitably be a week out of date.

Careful what you wish for

About 18 months ago, I felt really sorry for Mr Blair. I felt sorry that Mr Brown was trying to push him out of a job. I think he was sad to be comign to the end of his PM time. How he must be laughing now.

Exotic Plant

I thought I was imagining it, surely, a cannabis plant would not grow on our driveway? Tell hubby that there is an exotic plant growing, to be harvested when the kids have frayed my last jangled nerves. He said that its not possible (the plant not the jangled nerves!). Told me off for wasting his time (he was mega busy!). Today, confirmation from hubby that is in fact as i suspected.

To whoever planted it, if you would be so kind as to move it further up the drive, so that it does not get covered in dog pee, it would be much appreciated.

They eat cats in Italy!!!

I chuckled to myself today as I remembered a classic faux pas by my grandad. Now the thing you should know is that my grandad was a gentleman and very well travelled and was an avid listner of the "Voice of America". He also talked about his exploits in the second world war. In fact he talked about it so much that the family told him he could only mention it five times a day. We used to remind him that he had x number of times left.

Anyways, I digress. My grandad was at my aunts in Italy. It was one if his first visits there. He went out for a walk and discovered a local butcher. He looked around the shop and tried to use sign language to get some minced pork. International sign language being quite new to my grandad, it took a few attempts. He was just about to pay for it when he noticed the skinned cat carsasses hanging up on hooks. Out he stumbles of the butcher thinking its a good thing he noticed the poor skinned cats, before he purchased the meat from the dodgy butcher. He reports his disgust that the butcher is selling cat meat to my aunt.

Now, my aunt inhabits a world where everything is fast paced. She thought he was muttering about the war and paid no attention.

Grandad goes back home and tells his friends that the Italians eat cats. Next time my aunt visits she remarks on how healthy the neighbours cat is looking. The owner promptly shouts that her cat is not for eating and its a beloved pet, one of the family in fact! Cue confusion on my aunts part. Its not till many months later that she unravels the truth. My grandad had seen skinned rabbits, who, admittedly did look like a cat!

This one always makes me smile whenever I observe a misunderstanding.

How to wean a child off Chocolate.

1. Leave chilli flavoured dark chocolate within reach of toddler.

2. Sit back and observe...

Minor annoyances

These are the things that annoy me to the point of wanting to set fire to the nails of perpetrators of the following:

1. Notes stating “may I remind you of…” when in fact you have not even mentioned it to me. Ever. Whenever this happens, I want to buy some letter headed paper stating “Association for those whose Short Term Memory is Challenged” and send them a note back asking who are you and how do you know me?

2. People saying FYI. This should be a criminal offence.

3. Stuart reminding me to fill up with diesel, not petrol.

4. The phrase “Criminally Insane”. What’s that all about? Were you insane before you became a criminal or vice versa?

5. Auto signatures on emails that already have “Thanks and kind regards” written on them.

6. People who are impressed by “vine ripened tomatoes” are you mad?, where else do you think they grow? For that matter, add organic mushrooms to the list.

7. Anyone who quotes statistical probability of dying on an airplane.

8. The ugly sock. Whenever I buy a multipair of socks, there is always one really hideous pair, these socks will invariably be the one who will never be unpaired and then you end up wearing them all the time.

9. Stuart telling me whenever we are driving on a road in Europe that he has already paid for it, via his taxes.

10. My inability to remember Stuarts moby number, despite it being the same for 10 years.

11. The father who shopped his gun totting son to the police. Smart move, now he is going to be in prison, learning how to be a better criminal. Nice one.

Celebrity Flirting

The problem with having such lovely food, in such volume on our holiday, is that I am now famished by 11 am, despite having a large breakfast. Decided to curtail my mooch around the shops and head for Bills. As I placed my order I am aware that Lottie is cooing loudly at the man on the table opposite us. He smiles at her and then at me. She then starts shrieking in delight. Its only when he smiles back at her again that I realised he was the actor who plays Mr Weasley in ‘arry Potter. Lottie then starts to blow him kisses. He then starts to read his menu, but Lottie will not be ignored. She starts blowing kisses and waving at him, whilst screeching Mama. He looks over again, smiles, acknowledges my embarrassment and then gets back to talking to his friends.

Food arrives, Lottie, who is a complete food monster, totally ignores it and has her heart set on catching his attention again. The adoration of the couple next to her telling me she is gorgeous are simply not enough.

Decide that the best thing to do is to eat remaining food quickly. This proves to be quite difficult as I have been given chilli sauce on my potatoes, (I ordered child friendly meal). I have no water to put out the fire in my mouth. I start coughing uncontrollably. Actor looks over, he is probably thinking I am trying to attract his attention so he looks at my adorable daughter. So far from the truth. I am very proud of the fact that I managed to pay bill, grab daughter, unfold pushchair one handed whilst an inferno ravaged my gums and tears of pain well in my eyes.

I wont say anymore, but as I pushed the buggy close to his table (which was the only way out), my daughter waved and blew him a kiss.

32 kilos for 5days

I still dont understand how, for 5 days, we managed to pack 32 kilos. Hand on heart, 30 kilos were for the kids. I managed one pair of trousers, toiletries and some underwear. Stuart fared slightly better he had two pairs of shorts, t-shirts and underwear. When the lady at the check-in said we had to loose two kilos, it was not the kids clothes to be culled, but my toiletries. On the flight over Lottie managed to unbalance my glasses and I got covered in baby related goop. I arrived in Milano looking like a scarecrow. At least I smelled good, as, I practically took a perfume shower in duty free on the way over.

On the way back we managed a respectable 30 kilos in the hold, 20 kilos handluggage, this was due to various kids toys but mostly due to my aunt packing us "lunch" which was 2 whole cakes, 2 packets savoury cakes, half a ham, half a log of cheese......

Tutti benne

Went to my aunts for a few days, and had a great time. The kids were spoiled rotten, both being quite hyper by being fed copious amnounts of chocolate, cake, ice cream etc. Stuart and I managed to get out to Swizterland and take Lottie with us. Stuart was in fear of his (remaining) wealth as we headed for Lugano. Unfortunatey the weather was bad and Charlotte not in the best of moods so after a quick bout of shopping, we headed back. I really love being in Italy, its just so relaxing. My aunt plied us with so much food that I cannot smell parma ham or speck now without wanting to wretch.

I discovered a new talent for web development, check out how much I have mangled my aunts website by putting on some new photos, takes real skill to reverse engineer something so badly! www.villacardano.com

We are going to try and go back in Sept for a few days, will need to stay clear of all Italian related food products until then.

Speedy recovery

To our beloved friend, whilst you recover from your injuries, you may like to take the time to appreciate Facebook, the Dr Who website and then brush up on any new DVD releases. I can thoroughly recommend "Welcome to Collinwood" one of my personal favourites. See you soon. Get better or else we will set the kids on you!!!

The kids

Life became a little more "challenging" over the past few days. Lottie can now crawl and the destination is invariably the Boys favourite toys. Cue The Boy helplessly gathering up all his toys and trying to run to the other side of the room with them, shouting oh dear. Lottie just laughs, she now knows he can run but cannot hide!

I have said it before and I will say it again

David Tennant is such a mighty fine piece of lush. Am hoping that we can go and see him in Hamlet one evening, he can be my tragic Danish prince anytime.

The moon

Whoo hoo, got the scope workign the other night. Stuart had bright and logical idea of pointing it at the moon, without the aid of the computer. I have never seen the moon so up close. There was a halo of light, the craters were very clear and it was made even more profound by the silence of the night.

Lets hope we get the rest of it working soon, eh?

Holidays Holidays

Its the start of a holiday season, everyone seems to be off somewhere exotic, Eva to Marvelous Maui where she will mix with the big cheeses and guzzle (I mean sip, ofcourse!) loads of wine and cocktails, whilst singing to Elvis.

Myson and LM are back in Oz, no doubt having lush breakfast gatherings in their swanky pad.

Holiday season beckons for lots of other friends namely Austria, Bulgaria, Italy et al.

We wish all our friends a brilliant time, we are thinking of you. Postcards telling us that you are missing rainy old Blighty would be much appreciated.

Scope Club

We still have not managed to get the telescope working. I resorted to sending an email to a local telescope club, asking to come along to the next meeting. Trevor, duly responded and advised me he would try and get the scope working at their next meeting.

As I clicked respond to,I did a doubletake and read the email address as "trxxxxx@RIFLECLUB.com", hang on, RIFLE club? I am totally against blood sports, so have had to send him a jokey email checking that they are infact an astronomical telescope association, and not actually expecting me to shoot Bambis mum as part of my initiation.

Dare not check the email account for his response.

A PM for a PM

One of the nicer tasks this year is to look for a PM who can supervise the potential biulding of a log house for us in Hungary. It wont be anything fancy, but as we know zip all about construction, it seems like a good idea to get someone on board that does.

Having flicked through a few mags and websites, it looks, on the face of it very easy. Just build a concrete base with all the services installed, and bingo, the house is put up in 5 days (or when the vodka runs out, whichever is sooner).

I am sure we are going to have a lot of fun and my hair will turn grey in the process. Am I wrong in thinking that a weekend of watching Grand Designs might prepare me adequately?

Clearout Man Style

The difference between the sexes has just dawned on me, thanks to the kitchen utensil drawer. When I was in hospital with Lottie, stuart had a utensil drawer clearout. This was 10 months ago. It dawned on me today what bad choices he made. For instance, he did not throw out the bottle opener in the shape of a naked female torso, or the broken plastic cutlery. Neither did he choose to loose the broken cheese silcer or the old corks from champers and wine bottles. Instead, he chose to trash my perfectly useable lemon rind peeler, kebab skewers and plastic spatulas.

Bad choices, as, I need all three to make a lemon drizzle cake(LDC). Then again, we are talking about the man who almost cried when I threw his dunplop trainers away last year. They were 18 years old, 3 sizes too small and were covered in holes. The look of bewilderment on his face was the same as when I just announced that the success / failure of the LDC would depend on his sabbotage of my utensil drawer.

I dont think he will be going near my utensil drawer again.