Who pulled the pin out of the grenade

.

S and I

were discussing who is in the top 10. Watched a Lady Gaga video, he becomes wide eyed, tells me I should dress more like her. I oblige, bought myself a paid of new dark sunnies. Only too happy to please me!

What does a

Japanese ham sandwhich look like? Apparently this is what I need to be looking like when doing one of the postures at yoga. A forward bend where no light, no air enters and you should look like a "japanese ham sandwhich". Makes me crave a pesto chicken wrap.

Recyle

Sent S old mobile to Mazuma to get some cash, argos card with £75 spondoolies duly arrived today. Got my eye on a coffee machine. Problem is they type of coffee machine I need does not actually exist. Coffee machine needs to have a motion sensor on it to know i am approaching. Hot coffee needs to be ready within about 15 mins of being awake.

I dont get the normal type of awakenings that other adults do (sans kids), mine are usually boy jumping up and down on my bed declaring he is ready for the day. The machine also needs to know to make weaker coffee during the day. I have a max of two coffees or I am something akin to a wired mongoose.

Machine also needs to be self cleaning or dishwasher proof. This is not because I am lazy and I dont clean, its becuase when I clean the current coffee maker out in the evening, it makes me crave coffee.

15.75

grand sum I made from the nearly new sale some months back. Was informed by one of the mums that next sale is in June. I dont think I will be going. Somehow I see a lie instead.

Roundup

Went to see Mama for four days. Had a great time, really enjoyed just being an adult and not having much more responsibility that choosing what to have for dinner, and where the next lot of ice cream / pastries were coming from. Best bit was trying to squeeze a rolled up super king size matress into the saloon car I hired. I would love to get hold of the CCTV footage from the parking lot where we accomplished this minor feat.

Kids are good, they really missed me nice to have some proper cuddles when I got back. D and K came down with the twins. Very quickly realised I was out of "how to entertain a small baby" mode.

Bikram yoga force is still stroing with me. I can now do the whole class without feeling the need to collapse in a heap. I can even do a mean eagle. AM going to sign up for unlimited yoga. S cleared me for 3 classes a week. going to be fun fun fun.

Got a massive package through from Z for the kids. It would seem that she has bought half of Zara. C now has 2 leather jackets and a barbour jacket. Madam still wanting everything pink. We have what I think are long and meaningfull conversations about how lovely purple and red are. She looks deep into my eyes and says she loves pink. May have to give in on some pink items....

Musings on milestones. This year will mark 17 years with S and 30 years in this wonderful country.

thank you for your email

regarding my ant order. Before I go ahead and purchase the insurance for an extra £2, please can you clarify what exactly the ant insurance covers? For instance:

1. Are you expecting me to take the ant to a vet to find out what is wrong should they seem lifeless? I am not sure my local vet has an ant specialist?

2. You mention about needing insurance for hot or cold periods. Can you provide me with the temperature tolerances for the ants?

3. Do ants really get lost in the post? Cant you just emply an ant eater to track their pheromones or something?

Thanks in advance.

Anxious future ant farm owner (well, not actualy owner, more the caretaker).

Buy ants

Ok, boy got an ant farm for his bday as one of his presents. Sat him down for a chat, does he want ant farm (meanwhile praying he says no!), looks up at me with big eyes and nods. Make him repeat mantra of "I will not let them loose inside the house" 3 times before I buy ants online. Surely one of my more bizaare purchases.

So, the question is, whats been your most bizaare online purchase?

Can you tell

that I have gone back to work yet? March there are loads a posts, April, not so much!

Work good, am feeling fit and healthy. Have taken up Bikram yoga, am marginally addicted to it, feel fantastic after every class, B is going to come along with me as she lives nearby. I dont exactly look glam after a class (think dragged through several hedgerows backwords and sideways) but after every class I feel the need to do another class almost immediately. Plus I am burning about 1000 calories. I will save the story of the sweaty man in speedos for another time. Mental note.

Kids really good, they are mischievous in ways I cannot begin to explain. We were at a soft play today and they put plastic balls down their tops as boobies. I have some excellent pics of the boy doing a dolly parton. Mental note for when he brings his first girlfriend home.....

E, you will be pleased to know storage is finished, had a brutal clear out. Pic attached.

Had a brilliant time with K on my last weekend before work, we had a very sociable afternoon which then spilled over into the pub, poor babysitter probably wanted to run away when faced with two merry ladies and kids high on easter eggs.

We had our weekend away, was good, am suitably refreshed. Had a wicked weeekend with E and went to Henley where we unashamedly went through half the menu at Maison Blanc pattisserie. Scrummy.

Er, think thats mostly it. S had a fantastic time at LM and M wedding.

Kids storage

Its finally here and I have started "re-configuring it", it maybe not so nice to look at now, but watch this space.

New Haunt

My new haunt is the cafe at Pastorale antiques in Lewes. I treated myself to lunch there. There is not only a free jug of water with lemon and lime on every table but free lolipops as well. The food is great and very reasonable. I ordered a main course and got so much free salad that I almost burst. Their red cabbage salad with cinammon and raisins was to die for.

Ommited to mention

Whilst I was clearing up my arts and crafts table at the church and everyone else was busy tidying up the church, returning the church to normal worship stylie, I get a nod from one of the older ladies. I walk over, intrigued.

An explanation soon emerges: tt would seem that as the chairs had been put back, Madam walks up the aisle and at the end of the aisle, near the pulpit, pees herself. Apparently there was quite a big puddle. S goes to sort her out in the toilets, I try and find Gods mop. Turns out that one of the ladies is already busying herself with putting disinfectant in the water and heads out to tackle the mess.

Muttering apologies I get kids back into car to head home, S tells me that he had his hand down Gods U bend as Madam needed so many tissues to blot her clothes dry, that the toilet got blocked up. I am sensing she does stuff like this deliberately as she likes the fuss.

Dear Budgens

I love our local store [we dont, the prices are astronomical and the selection poor] but I have come to notice that you dont stock clotted cream. Stocking this product could potentially bring in extra sales as there is a more mature demographic in the village and I am sure they all enjoy their scones.

Yours

blah blah

[Sit back and await some nice voicher in the post and for them to stock clotted cream]

Careful what you wish for / freaky goings on.....

Ok, the first update I wont be able to tell anyone about for approx 6 months. Dont even ask me until then as I wont tell. I wont. Just ask me what happened in Lewes approx 1.5 weeks ago. Ask me that after 1 Sep and I will fess up like the French.

Remember the blog entry about when I went to Hungary and I met a woman with triplets? Small world, she seemed like a (stressed) lovely person. I am sure she still is, but why risk your kids reading this article?

Also, remember my post recently about my kind of church? Well, turns out the vicar is short of peeps to help out at the family friendly gathering once a month. I have volunteered to help prep the art and craft stuff, a) as I love that sort of stuff b) as she seemed genuinely stressed this month. Chris one of the curates has asked me for my take on how the family service can be made better. I wont menion the MJ songs just yet eh...

The Suit issue

Storage sorted

Toy room storage has been sorted thanks to the Martlets furniture warehouse. Saw a wardrobe with double doors, opens up and it has cubby holes in it. Got the whole thing for £55 including delivery. It also has a seperate 3 shelf module which can rest under the wardrobe or next to it. Am thinking next to it with a cushion on top will make a nice reading seat.

I am going to paint it mild sage green and put some new handles on it. Storage sorted.

Hedda Gabler

Went out for a girlie night with Beata, Sandy and Emma to see Hedda Gabler at the theatre last saturday. The production was outstanding, the actors were really gripping, Hedda was charming and witty one minute, shockingly evil the next. My kind of entertaiment.

Sandy and I eyed up the bookcase / writing table hybrid in the set, wondering how much it could have been worth. We then went for what we thought was a glass of wine (bottle!) and I got home at the merry hour of 1am. Felt a bit sheepish as I had told our babysitter that I would be back by 11.

We all agreed that Hedda was an interesting and complex character, there were elements of Hedda which I am sure lurk inside me.

Typical

Bought new curtains, for the boys new bedroom. Put them up, seal of approval from all. Try to put boy into bed, looks up at me with adorable eyes and tells me he has had enough of the big bed and wants to go back to sharing with Madam.

Discuss it with him, he is adamant, so make up his old bed, he is now snoring away in there. Spare room looks good with new curtains. Story of my life.

It turns out

that boy does not have sleep issues. Dr was very nice and listened to the list of our concerns. Apparenty 10 - 11 hours is the norm at this age, especially preschool.

So now I have the added pleasure of searching for sofabed for toy toom and turning guest bedroom into boys room, study also needs to accomodate sofa bed. I like a challenge.

Charity shop

will be receiving a lot of clothes, reckon I only sold half my stuff. Annoying thing is I now have to cut all the labels off the clothes, which took me ages to put on. Will find out Friday how much the old ice cream fund has made.

Amm off to blow it all at Zara this arvo.