When Cameron was not running round with cakes in both hands, his other past time was stealing chocolate off the incredibly gay christmas tree. My granny picked the tree, unfortunately she must have had too much schnapps, as it was the most crooked tree I have ever seen. It was shaped like a massive Z and was lobsided with its branches. Pretty it was not.
As I let Granny do the choosing out of sight, my job was to haggle and pay. I thought the tree was to cheap to start off with, feeling full of Crimbo spirit I decided not to barter but hand over the full amount.
Normally we step back in wonderment when the tree is unwrapped, but this time, even three laps of the tree, from various viewpoints could not disguise the fact it was the runt of the forest. Beer gogles did not help either. Nor did mulled wine goggles. Double Martini goggles helped a bit.
The only thing left was to try and dress the tree up as much as possible. Unfortunately, my grannies decrations, er, were sparse to say the lest. The tree had one set of lights (from the 1950's, that had definately seen better days) , ribbon (????), and red plastic baubles which all had a dent in a side. Liberace it wasnt.
Granny said we were being harsh and that the tree was gorgeous. When we pointed out that every visitor we had who had seen the tree, said nothing, and started down at their shoes, that should have been some hint. Her response was that we should have supervised her selection process more.
Last years tree was too big ( needed 3 people to carry it), this years was a runt, next year's will be perfect.
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Christmas ala Avern
Had a great time in hungary, we were flat bound a lot of the time as the snow (and there was lots of it) made it too cold to get out, also, due to lack of wind there was a smog problem. Granny cooked, baked and entertained the kids like it was going out of fashion.
We went to Dobogoko which is in the Pilis mountains just outside Budapest and had a walk round with my dad and his family. Cameron took great exception to the snow being cold and Lottie slept all the way through it. We warmed up with mulled wine. Realised how much of a foodie my dad is when, after, queing in a wooden hut offering mulled wine and sarnies, for over half an hour (and with a massive queue behind us) he starts asking about the EXACT makeup of the sarnie, i.e. butter before the liver pate. Then after thinking for another five minutes he asks what hot sarnies they have. I thought we were going to get lynched.
I got Jeremy Clarkson books for Christmas from Stuart, they are brilliant to read but I ended up so angry after each chapter, that I wanted to scream. Therefore, I dedicate the next paragraphs to Jezza:
Decided to go to the bank in Budapest to withdraw some money from our GBP account. I walk in, take a number from the allocation machine. Its Saturday 28 December, there is noone in the bank apart from the morose looking staff and a geriatric security guard and me. Tumbleweeds pass me by as I wait eversopatiently for 15 mins, whilst the ladies finish their teabreak, chat, gossip about which celebs have fake boobs, and then call me upto the counter.
Anyone who has ever been to Hungary will tell you its a lovely country, but, the customer service is appaling. The next few lines will give you an example, of, how not to treat customers. All of this is true and unfortunately not uncommon.
Cashier asks me for my account number, state it and then hand over my passport. Looking good I thought, I can be out of here soon. I ask to withdraw 1000GBP. Cashy (as I will affectionately call her) looks up at me smiling asking to see my authorisation. I smile back saying the account is in my name and I authorise myself to withdraw it.
Cashy then snarls out of the corner of her mouth saying I need to give them a weeks notice. Aha, I respond, I will take 999 then. She virtually spits at me that she will tell me how much GBP she has. Deep intake of breath follows her words of wisdom as she says that the GBP is in the next office and she will be back in 5. Fifteen mins later (I did not mind this delay, as I resolved to send her back asking for a lower denomination, when she finally arrived) she waddles back in and tells me I can have 500. She has it in 50's.
I was about to ask for it in 20's when I notice that their exchange rate is better than the exchange beauru's on the street. I state that I want to change the full 1000. Cashy is experiencing a hot flush at this stage. I tell her that I wanted the 1000 to take to a good exchange rate place, but as the banks rate is so good, it will save me a trip. Cashy tells me its the rate from the previous day. I tell her that the rate is advertised, I am accepting their kind offer and she HAS to complete the transaction at that rate. I deliver all of this very calmly.
Cashy says that the rate does not stand. Geriatric security guard shuffles over to stand behind me.
I decide to give up. I now need to get out of here asap, before I kill someone stone cold dead with a Jeremy Clarkson book.
I remember that I wanted to check what DD's are due that month. I ask her to PLEASE check. She tuts, pulls the keyboard out from the desk, whacks the keyboard as she enters the data and then throws the printout over the counter. I said thank you.
I start to walk off, she starts shouting that I have to come back. I had forgotten to sign the copies of my withdrawl in triplicate AND I also had to pay 50 forints (about 15 pence) for my transaction.
The red mist decended. I threw my bag down on the counter, cue arms waving, spit frothing, I tell her that this whole trip to the bank has taken me 2 hours, in the UK it would have been 15 mins. I tell her that I have had to organise childcare just so I could get abused and pay for the privelidge. She looks at me non plussed and told me that I should be grateful as the bank is better than it was before!
We went to Dobogoko which is in the Pilis mountains just outside Budapest and had a walk round with my dad and his family. Cameron took great exception to the snow being cold and Lottie slept all the way through it. We warmed up with mulled wine. Realised how much of a foodie my dad is when, after, queing in a wooden hut offering mulled wine and sarnies, for over half an hour (and with a massive queue behind us) he starts asking about the EXACT makeup of the sarnie, i.e. butter before the liver pate. Then after thinking for another five minutes he asks what hot sarnies they have. I thought we were going to get lynched.
I got Jeremy Clarkson books for Christmas from Stuart, they are brilliant to read but I ended up so angry after each chapter, that I wanted to scream. Therefore, I dedicate the next paragraphs to Jezza:
Decided to go to the bank in Budapest to withdraw some money from our GBP account. I walk in, take a number from the allocation machine. Its Saturday 28 December, there is noone in the bank apart from the morose looking staff and a geriatric security guard and me. Tumbleweeds pass me by as I wait eversopatiently for 15 mins, whilst the ladies finish their teabreak, chat, gossip about which celebs have fake boobs, and then call me upto the counter.
Anyone who has ever been to Hungary will tell you its a lovely country, but, the customer service is appaling. The next few lines will give you an example, of, how not to treat customers. All of this is true and unfortunately not uncommon.
Cashier asks me for my account number, state it and then hand over my passport. Looking good I thought, I can be out of here soon. I ask to withdraw 1000GBP. Cashy (as I will affectionately call her) looks up at me smiling asking to see my authorisation. I smile back saying the account is in my name and I authorise myself to withdraw it.
Cashy then snarls out of the corner of her mouth saying I need to give them a weeks notice. Aha, I respond, I will take 999 then. She virtually spits at me that she will tell me how much GBP she has. Deep intake of breath follows her words of wisdom as she says that the GBP is in the next office and she will be back in 5. Fifteen mins later (I did not mind this delay, as I resolved to send her back asking for a lower denomination, when she finally arrived) she waddles back in and tells me I can have 500. She has it in 50's.
I was about to ask for it in 20's when I notice that their exchange rate is better than the exchange beauru's on the street. I state that I want to change the full 1000. Cashy is experiencing a hot flush at this stage. I tell her that I wanted the 1000 to take to a good exchange rate place, but as the banks rate is so good, it will save me a trip. Cashy tells me its the rate from the previous day. I tell her that the rate is advertised, I am accepting their kind offer and she HAS to complete the transaction at that rate. I deliver all of this very calmly.
Cashy says that the rate does not stand. Geriatric security guard shuffles over to stand behind me.
I decide to give up. I now need to get out of here asap, before I kill someone stone cold dead with a Jeremy Clarkson book.
I remember that I wanted to check what DD's are due that month. I ask her to PLEASE check. She tuts, pulls the keyboard out from the desk, whacks the keyboard as she enters the data and then throws the printout over the counter. I said thank you.
I start to walk off, she starts shouting that I have to come back. I had forgotten to sign the copies of my withdrawl in triplicate AND I also had to pay 50 forints (about 15 pence) for my transaction.
The red mist decended. I threw my bag down on the counter, cue arms waving, spit frothing, I tell her that this whole trip to the bank has taken me 2 hours, in the UK it would have been 15 mins. I tell her that I have had to organise childcare just so I could get abused and pay for the privelidge. She looks at me non plussed and told me that I should be grateful as the bank is better than it was before!
Sunday, 16 December 2007
Nanny State
Stuart andI are sick. Stuart has flu, proper flu where he sweats profusely and if just in a world of pain. I just have a cold. To try and drug oursevles out of it, I went to the supermarker to buy copius amounts of Day and Night Nurse for Stupot and Paracetemol for me. I had four boxes of paracetemol at 16p each (bargin) (and yes I am aware this is reading like the starter to a maths question), 1 box of Lemsip, 1 Day Nurse and One Sainsburys own brand of flu remedy. Get to the checkout, assistant tells me to go back to the pharmacy as i am not allowed to buy 4 boxes of paracetemol due to new legislation. she tells me to go back and buy 2 boxes of 32. I stare at her blankly, thinking she is being akward, ask if there is a shortage of boxes of 16's which is why she wants to keep them.
No is the reply, new rules dictate that I could be wanting to commit suicide and that I can only get the boxes of 32 from the pharmacist himself. Slope back to the pharmacy. Queue everso patiently, ask for my box of 32, she explains the same as the cashier, asks me if I want to pay there instead of going back to the cash desk. As she is putting the items through the till, it wont accept the third flu remedy, again, due to this new legislation.
Have a very hard time keeping calm, keep repeating the mantra of "its not her fault" to myself. Agree to leave the 3rd flu remedy behind.
So, it would appear that I can actually have the same amount of paracetemol but in a different volume box, thanks to New Labour. Furthermore, I will have to make a seperate trip to stock up on the other essential flu remedies. Isnt life just a little too complex at times?
No is the reply, new rules dictate that I could be wanting to commit suicide and that I can only get the boxes of 32 from the pharmacist himself. Slope back to the pharmacy. Queue everso patiently, ask for my box of 32, she explains the same as the cashier, asks me if I want to pay there instead of going back to the cash desk. As she is putting the items through the till, it wont accept the third flu remedy, again, due to this new legislation.
Have a very hard time keeping calm, keep repeating the mantra of "its not her fault" to myself. Agree to leave the 3rd flu remedy behind.
So, it would appear that I can actually have the same amount of paracetemol but in a different volume box, thanks to New Labour. Furthermore, I will have to make a seperate trip to stock up on the other essential flu remedies. Isnt life just a little too complex at times?
Friday, 14 December 2007
Dark Angel
We have a new member of the family, its called Dark Angel. This "thing" is responsible for me doing many a daft thing, a bit like midas touch in reverse. Dark Angel (DA) goads me into putting an extra blanket on Lottie, when she is sleeping, thus wakign her up. DA is responsible for pushing me onto the untangled tree lights, tripping over, bruising myself, tangling lights up again thus requiring an extra half hour of my time. DA is also then responsible for me stepping back to admire the tree, stepping on the next set of lights only to hear a crunch.
DA takes many guises during the day, it leaps into the pram brakes, forcing them to get stuck and my instep to get covered in bruises levering it out.
DA struck again at bills, after getting a whole basket of goods together, it was responsible for a bunch of soaking wet parsley falling into the bag and destroying all the paperbags. I only found this out when lifting the bags from the floor to the worktop. Cue scattered vegetables, bread and cheeses all over the kitchen floor.
I could go on, but hopefully DA will find another hapless soul to torment.. SOON (PLEASE!).
DA takes many guises during the day, it leaps into the pram brakes, forcing them to get stuck and my instep to get covered in bruises levering it out.
DA struck again at bills, after getting a whole basket of goods together, it was responsible for a bunch of soaking wet parsley falling into the bag and destroying all the paperbags. I only found this out when lifting the bags from the floor to the worktop. Cue scattered vegetables, bread and cheeses all over the kitchen floor.
I could go on, but hopefully DA will find another hapless soul to torment.. SOON (PLEASE!).
Dear Santa
For Crimbo I would like:
1. The ability to remember to lock my car, so that the alarm does not interrupt the precious sleep I manage to get.
2. I would like my kids to amuse themselves for 5 minutes, so that I can eat some food without having to gulp it down like a pelican.
3. I would like to find the time to wear clothes that actually look good, I have many in my wardrobe, but, alas, I only ever get 5 mins to get ready, even then I am holding a child in my arms.
4. If all else fails with points 1 - 3. Give me more arms, more hours in the day and hook me up to redbull on tap, and I will be ok.
Thanks in advance
Barbara
1. The ability to remember to lock my car, so that the alarm does not interrupt the precious sleep I manage to get.
2. I would like my kids to amuse themselves for 5 minutes, so that I can eat some food without having to gulp it down like a pelican.
3. I would like to find the time to wear clothes that actually look good, I have many in my wardrobe, but, alas, I only ever get 5 mins to get ready, even then I am holding a child in my arms.
4. If all else fails with points 1 - 3. Give me more arms, more hours in the day and hook me up to redbull on tap, and I will be ok.
Thanks in advance
Barbara
Pre Christmas Wriggle
I have accidentally found a new way to check how much weight I have put on. Accidental, as I discovered it whilst standing one legged in the shower dogding bath toys. An unlikely setting I hear you say for weighing ones self, but oh no, this is not weighing or BMI, or anything complex like that. You simply stand on one leg and shake your whole body for about a minute.
You can then see and hear the fat (and in my case cellulite, scar tissue etc) gently (or in my case vigourously) trying to defy gravity. I made a mental note of all the noises I heard and I will repeat the experiment after a trully full fat Christmas. Just for reference, my right bum cheek discovered my left thigh, hopefully they will not be such firm friends in 2008 as I am hoping to get more excersise!
You can then see and hear the fat (and in my case cellulite, scar tissue etc) gently (or in my case vigourously) trying to defy gravity. I made a mental note of all the noises I heard and I will repeat the experiment after a trully full fat Christmas. Just for reference, my right bum cheek discovered my left thigh, hopefully they will not be such firm friends in 2008 as I am hoping to get more excersise!
Tuesday, 11 December 2007
Update on update...
As updates go this is probably not one of much but here goes...Lottie had her appointment yesterday at the hospital. As suspected, its colic of some sort, the consultant said as she was developing normally that there is nothing wrong. Lottie spent the whole appointment cooing at Dr Butt (yes that was his real name). Stuart and I giggled like teenagers when we found out. Cameron was contented as he ripped the waiting room apart. In a vain attempt to appease children, the hospital had a large fish tank. Was he content with looking at it? Ofcourse not, he had to explore the noisiest toys, drop various boxes full of jigsaw puzzles and try and steal another kids car. I stopped maintaining eye contact with any adults shortly afterwards....
The consultant said I should feed her less as she is "sturdy", I think that means fat. So we have tried that today, and failed.
Cameron is officially bored at being housebound due to the colic, I dont blame him. The plan for Friday is to get out. Yesterday he was incredibly naughty, he just kept on destrying things. Given the fact that we were out at the hospital most of yesterday, he still managed to draw on the walls, remove the input cover to the telly and use it as a spade to remove earth from a pot plant, throw food on his sister, mash banana into the carpet AND damage my books. Never have I craved a G&T more.
Crimbo shopping is done. I have had a genius idea of actually buying four types of presents and alternating them between family and friends.
My best buy was a flashing rubber duck complete with santa hat. Press the belly on the duck and it trips the Christmas light fantastic. Am going for lunch with a friend tomorrow and Thursday is decorate the tree day.
We also managed to get out as a couple for the first time in over 4.5 months last week. It
was fantastic, I sat listening to the dulcit tones of Vivaldi by candlelight and almost wept with joy. I did not even mind the fact that it took us almost 4 hours to get Lottie to some form of sleep after we got home, and that was sleeping on me. Bliss to be out again. I also went shopping with Eva and seemingly spent a fortune on nothing, but that was great fun too.
The consultant said I should feed her less as she is "sturdy", I think that means fat. So we have tried that today, and failed.
Cameron is officially bored at being housebound due to the colic, I dont blame him. The plan for Friday is to get out. Yesterday he was incredibly naughty, he just kept on destrying things. Given the fact that we were out at the hospital most of yesterday, he still managed to draw on the walls, remove the input cover to the telly and use it as a spade to remove earth from a pot plant, throw food on his sister, mash banana into the carpet AND damage my books. Never have I craved a G&T more.
Crimbo shopping is done. I have had a genius idea of actually buying four types of presents and alternating them between family and friends.
My best buy was a flashing rubber duck complete with santa hat. Press the belly on the duck and it trips the Christmas light fantastic. Am going for lunch with a friend tomorrow and Thursday is decorate the tree day.
We also managed to get out as a couple for the first time in over 4.5 months last week. It
was fantastic, I sat listening to the dulcit tones of Vivaldi by candlelight and almost wept with joy. I did not even mind the fact that it took us almost 4 hours to get Lottie to some form of sleep after we got home, and that was sleeping on me. Bliss to be out again. I also went shopping with Eva and seemingly spent a fortune on nothing, but that was great fun too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)