The art of a (young) lady

During the course of my 13 years with Stuart, I have learned (ney, trained him) to obey, without me having to say a word. Cue “Gollum” – this is a facial expression that I have mastered. You basically ensure you have your eyes as wide as possible, drop jaw, tilt head and flutter eyelashes. Works a treat, normally when I want him to do a minor favour – e.g cup of coffee, change Cameron’s nappy, go to shop and buy chocolate.

In more extreme cases, the “Sumo Wrestler” can be used, often reserved for more pressing matters, when you cannot even be arsed arguing. This involves puffing out chest, hands on hips, twitching nose so that the corner of ones mouth is raised, narrow eyes and purse mouth. I normally reserve Sumo wrestler for occasions whereby the Gollum has not worked.

Every woman has her box of tricks, and it always evolves and becomes more efficient. In the not so distant past, I would have employed the use of a mini skirt, lashing of lip gloss and some racy undergarments. Now that everything is heading south (and I am heavily pregnant) I have to resort to more Machiavellian ways of ensuring the outcome I would like.


Imagine my surprise yesterday, when, I did not have to employ any of above “situational management tactics”. We singled out a car at a local garage. All the way there I mentally totting up how many Gollums and Sumo Wrestlers it would take before he cracked. Not only did Stuart like the initial car we singled out, BUT, he actually preferred and fell in love with a model that was way beyond the budget and he was actually thinking of buying it. I was completely lost for words. Dear reader, if there is a parallel universe, then surely I had jumped there!!!!