1. An estimated half hour before you actually need to leave, start shouting cheerfully “who wants to go out to xxxxx”
2. Take a deep breath. Put your coat on.
3. Heard kids into the hallway. Explain to whiny boy why we need to leave the house. Explain, patiently to the boy that, no, we won’t have time to go to the garden centre.
4. Pick boy up off the floor, which he seems to be welded to, courtesy of garden centre disappointment.
5. Get kids to sit down on the bottom step. Ensure you have chosen shoes to hand, as, if you have not chosen kiddies fav shoes du jour, all hell will break loose and you will not be able to win the battled entitled “shoe choice – why you cannot wear odd shoes”.
6. Ask kids politely to agree on who is having shoe fitted first. Ask kids to stop kicking each other. Retrieve the child whichever child is second, from kitchen. Close hallway door.
7. Wedge kids feet into shoes whilst other child climbs on your back pretending it’s a slide.
8. Gently tempt arms into jumpers / coats. It may feel like the kid has just grown 10 wriggly arms, but in actual fact they still only only have two. Find out you have put on jumper backwards.
9. Repeat number 8.
10. Retrieve your toddler from the bathroom (which you have just cleaned), who is busy smearing liquid soap into the walls. Tell toddler off. Berate yourself for having the audacity to clean during the day and expect it to last that way.
11. Take deep breath no 2, you will need this as you are slowly melting because you have had your coat on for the last half hour.
12. Put your shoes on. Salvage your other shoe away from toddler, who is determined to wear it. Pick toddler up (stops them from creating any more havoc) and balance child on your hip, whilst trying to put shoe on.
13. Pick up house keys, swat boys hands out of “snack” bag, which he is eagerly rifling through.
14. Open the door. Walk down to the car. Tell toddler to stop pulling your hair, toddler only stops slapping and pulling your hair when you have walked back up driveway said “good morning” properly to the neighbours cat.
15. Make a mental note to always say hello to neighbours cat.
16. Put kids in the car. Try and remain calm when they both demand that you strap them in first.
17. Sigh and sink into drivers seat. Ask if everyone ok.
18. Boy triumphantly announces he needs a wee. Cue deep breath!
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1 comment:
He is a future Alan Titchmarch! He will be rich and can pay for all the nice comfortable sand coloured shoes you will want when you are old. And I will bring the GT as we sit and kackle on the veranda of his nice house with the nice garden.
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